Lies Anxiety Tells Us
As my clients have similar demographics regarding age and where they are at in life, I find myself repeating the same information over and over again. I don’t recall the source where I learned about Lies Anxiety Tells Us, so I am going to loosely attribute it to Aaron T. Beck as it is an outcome of his Cognitive Behavior Theory. If someone has a more direct source, I would be glad to change this information.
Lie 1: We Overestimate the Likelihood of the Worst Possible Outcome
Any situation in life in which the outcome is unclear is great fodder for anxiety. Will I find a job? Will my family like my new boyfriend? Will my spouse get laid off? What will happen to us in this bad economy?
As an example, I ask people “what are the odds of a meteor hitting this building? With the exception of one person who gave me an entirely too detailed scientific answer, I usually hear “I don’t know.” Then I ask people to just make up a number and I will hear some thing like “1 in 5,000.” The actual number they give me doesn’t matter, I adjust my answer in proportion to their answer, so
They answer “1 in 5,000”
I reply, “okay lets pretend the real odds of a meteor hitting this building are 1 in 5000. If I have anxiety, I think the odds are 1 in 3.”
Regardless of the objective reality (or unless you are really unlucky) the worst outcome doesn’t usually happen. Great outcomes happen sometimes, acceptable outcomes happen sometimes, and the worst-case scenario almost never actually happens. I ask them to look back on their past and tell me how many times the worst-case scenario actually happened. Usually people have had only one or two worst-case scenarios (a loved one dies in a motorcycle crash).
So anxiety causes us to OVERESTIMATE (by a lot) the likelihood of the worst case scenario
Lie 2: We Underestimate Our Ability to Handle It If The Worst-case Actually Does Happen
To date, you have survived every bad situation you have faced. And if you plan on living long, you will likely face more bad situations. You may not face them as smoothly or with as much “cool” as you would have liked, but YOU DID survive. I have known people who have lost loved ones in motorcycle accidents, I don’t wish it on anyone, its horrible, the grief is tremendous, but every one of them survived.
Going back to the meteor hitting this building. In the highly unlikely situation, a meteor is headed towards this building, it will probably be spotted by astronomers and/or air defenders. The airspace above where I am sitting right now, and probably where you are sitting, is currently being monitored for missiles from Cuba 24 hours a day – 364 (or 365) days a year. If a meteor if heading this way, we will probably get word to get out of the building.
So in the unlikely event that something really bad DOES end up happening, YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE OKAY. This is evidenced by the fact you are alive and reading this.
So anxiety causes us to UNDERESTIMATE the worst case scenario in the event it does happen
So the next time anxiety is getting in the way, I need to ask myself if I am accurately assessing the REAL possibility the worst case scenario will likely happen? (its probably very small) And am I accurately assessing my ability to handle the worst case scenario? (its probably very large).
